Polyamorous Parenting: Stigma, Social Regulation, and Queer Bonds of Resistance

Abstract

As a response to the greater visibility of alternative relationship and family forms, polyamory (i.e. the practice of consensual multipartner relationships) has recently moved to the centre of public media attention. Questions of polyamory have emerged as a major concern within law, social policy, family sociology, and gender and sexuality studies. Yet certain core issues have remained underexplored. This includes the distinctive nature of polyamorous intimacy, the structure of polyamorous household formations, and the dynamics of care work within poly families. In particular, poly parenting has been subject to tabooisation and scandalisation. Governing bodies, the judiciary, and educational institutions have remained largely ignorant of polyamorous relationships. Research documents the exclusions of poly families (and individuals) from access to legal provisions and protections and their common discrimination in the courts, namely, in custody cases. It further highlights the discrimination of poly-identified adolescents in school and college settings and the predicament that poly families face when interacting with public institutions (including schools and kindergartens). Insights into parenting practices and the organisation of childcare are vital for understanding the transformative potential of polyamorous ways of relating. It is also important for challenging the common demonisation and stigmatisation of polyamory within conservative family politics that perceives polyamory exclusively from a harm perspective. This article will review and critically analyse existing research on poly parenting focussing on three dimensions: (a) parenting practices, (b) social and legal discrimination, and (c) parental response to stigmatisation. The article argues for a stronger incorporation of queer perspectives within the guiding frameworks of research into parenting in consensually non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships to highlight the transformative potential of the ‘queer bonds’ that sustain many of these practices.

Kinship Practices Among Alternative Family Forms in Western Industrialized Societies

“…Most research on polygamy and polyamory – families with more than two adult romantic partners – focused on kibbutzim, communes, and “swingers” (Klesse, 2018; Rubin, 2001; Sheff, 2011). These families were more like monogamous families than imagined (Ramey, 1972; Rubin, 2001), though they challenged the existing family norms by being sexually nonexclusionary (Rubin, 2001) and using collective identity more than individual or family identity (Beit‐Hallahmi, 1981).…”

“…Some attention has been given to understanding the kinship and family networks of polygamous families. Nonparent adults may act and be perceived as aunts, uncles, or stepparents (Klesse, 2018) or even older siblings or friends (Sheff, 2010), but not as additional parents. Similar to stepfamilies, children were more likely to see an adult as a parent if that adult entered the child's life when the child was very young, they shared a residence, and they maintained a strong relationship throughout the duration of knowing each other (Sheff, 2010).…”

“…Compared to monogamous heterosexual families, there is greater flexibility as to who is considered part of the family and less emphasis on biological kinship (Anapol, 2010; Goldfeder & Sheff, 2015; Klesse, 2018). This allows more fluidity in creating and ending relationships while maintaining parenting roles.…”

More-Than-Two-Parent Families

“…Sheff and Corie Hammers (2011) describe how risks such as dismissal, lost custody, and a decreased social standing can be reduced in different ways through access to economic and social resources. Christian Klesse (2014;2018) points out how class privilege is central for understanding how vulnerability affects polyamorous families differently. In a similar vein, Erik Mägi and Lina-lea Zimmerman (2015) show how the legal situation in Sweden means that very few family forms have clear-cut legal protection.…”

“It’s a Little Bit Tricky”: Results from the POLYamorous Childbearing and Birth Experiences Study (POLYBABES)

“…Research on polyamory has been historically lacking from scientific literature. However, since 2010 the concept has become more mainstream in research literature (Klesse, 2019 ) and in society. As social awareness of polyamory has grown, stigma against non-monogamous relationships has become more transparent.…”