Shame and the therapeutic relationship

Bringing forth stories of blame and shame in dialogues with families affected by adolescent self‐harm

“…Shame can link to anxiety, through internalizing the contempt of others, or depression – the feeling of failure, inadequacy, not being loved enough or successful enough. (Kavner and McNab, , p. 143)…”

“…Shame is often linked to memories of abusive childhood experiences (Deblinger and Runyon, ) where children have learned to attribute their own failings as the cause of their parent's abusive behaviour. Shame then is often associated with feelings of hopelessness and despair and a desire to conceal aspects of the self from others (Kavner and McNab, ). Gilbert () show that racism, homophobia and other forms of oppressive practices can evoke a sense of shame in those who do not fit easily within dominant socio‐cultural norms.…”

“…While each of these models offers useful insights into the complexity of blame and shame, by foregrounding cognitive, intra‐psychic or local discursive processes the social and moral dimensions of blame and shame are obscured. Emotions can be understood as both shaped by and shaping the social and cultural beliefs and values within which they are embedded (Fredman, ; Kavner and McNab, ; Wetherell, ). From this perspective, blame and shame are confined neither to the individual mind nor the immediate context of talk‐in‐interaction but are expressions of and responses to the stories available to us in our family and culture:

So, to comprehend shame, you need to understand the cultural stories recounted about personal success, pride, and admiration as well as those told about humiliation, disgrace and inadequacy [… and …] minority or powerless cultures can be further diminished in the process of comparison, idealization and inequality.

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“…From this perspective, blame and shame are confined neither to the individual mind nor the immediate context of talk‐in‐interaction but are expressions of and responses to the stories available to us in our family and culture:

So, to comprehend shame, you need to understand the cultural stories recounted about personal success, pride, and admiration as well as those told about humiliation, disgrace and inadequacy [… and …] minority or powerless cultures can be further diminished in the process of comparison, idealization and inequality. (Kavner and McNab, p. 144)

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“…So, to comprehend shame, you need to understand the cultural stories recounted about personal success, pride, and admiration as well as those told about humiliation, disgrace and inadequacy [… and …] minority or powerless cultures can be further diminished in the process of comparison, idealization and inequality. (Kavner and McNab, p. 144)…”