Ulwaluko is a traditional heterosexual Xhosa male circumcision rite of passage to manhood practiced in South Africa. This tradition plays a significant role in defining and constructing masculine identity. Despite South Africa having progressive legislation on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights, gay men are discouraged from participating in Ulwaluko. Recent studies suggest that some gay men reportedly attend Ulwaluko at the behest of their families as a means to be part of this important cultural tradition. The present study consists of in-depth interviews with 11 Xhosa gay men ages 18-35 who underwent Ulwaluko in South Africa. Qualitative thematic revealed the following themes: (1) defining gay masculinity in relation to heteronormativity, (2) Pride in Ulwaluko, (3) Ulwaluko shaping identity, and (4) Ulwaluko empowerment of gay men. Our findings highlight the dilemma of attending a rite that is inherently heterosexual and does not recognize gay men's identity. Findings suggest that this rite of passage should be modernized to be more inclusive of all forms of masculinities, and that the 'rights' of gay men should be recognized as befits the Constitution of South Africa. Furthermore, families of gay men who attend Ulwaluko need to accept them as queer individuals so that society at large can be more inclusive.