Toward Understanding the Child's Experience in the Process of Parentification: Young Adults' Reflections on Growing up With a Depressed Parent

Abstract

This paper reports on a qualitative study with 21 young adults who grew up with a depressed parent. We examined how young adults make sense of their childhood experiences of parental depression and how their retrospective reflections help us to understand the experiences of children and the processes of parentification. Participants recounted that their childhood consisted mainly of actions in the service of family well-being and that they reflected on their own experiences only rarely. In adolescence, there was an evolution towards a greater consideration for oneself and a repositioning within the family. In the discussion we explore the therapeutic implications of this study -and in particular -the meaningfulness of silence in the family process of parentification.

Addressing the Person of the Therapist in Supervision: The Therapist's Inner Conversation Method

“…Afterward, it is obvious that we were feeling for instance anxious or irritated, but in the session we did not experience it. Interestingly, this process resembles a process that is also found in research on the experiences of parentified children of depressed parents (Van Parys, Bonnewyn, Hooghe, De Mol, & Rober, 2015). It seems that also these children do not experience what they experience as they are focused on the well-being of their depressed parent.…”

Experiences of Having a Parent with Serious Mental Illness: An Interpretive Meta-Synthesis of Qualitative Literature

“…Furthermore, participants described being restricted in talking about the illness, due to taboos and in order to not worsen the existing burden. They felt a desire to talk about their experiences, but felt that they had to protect their parent (Van Parys et al 2015;Wagenblass 2001).…”

“…Some parents could, in affect, make to the children such remarks as that they would be better off without them, and the children found it difficult to interpret such statements (Mechling 2016). The fact that no one explained the parent's illness made it difficult for the children to understand what was happening (Nilsson et al 2015;Van Parys et al 2015).…”

“…There is a growing body of literature that recognizes the importance of investigating the perspective of the burden put on relatives to patients with mental illness (Ewertzon et al 2010;Mignone et al 2017;Richert et al 2018). A qualitative interview study reported that relatives often felt worried and stressed from being afraid that the family member would commit suicide (Treanor et al 2013). That study also found that, even though relatives accepted and comprehended the situation resulting from the illness, they still expressed feelings of anger, frustration and hopelessness.…”

Characteristics of Childhood Parentification and Its Effects on the Individual

“…Alkol/madde bağımlılığının, ebeveynlerin çocuk yetiştirme tutumları üzerinde yarattığı olumsuz etkiler (tutarsız disiplin, tutarsız bakım verme, yemek zamanı ritüellerinin www.nesnedergisi.com belirsizliği ve ekonomik kaynaklarda tutarsızlık gibi) nedeniyle aile sistemini yordamanın zorlaştıracağı; çocuğun da böyle belirsiz bir ortamda kontrol hissini arttırmak için ebeveyn rolü üstlenebileceği ileri sürülmüştür (Burnett, Jones, Bliwise ve Ross, 2006). Depresif bir ebeveynle büyüyen çocuk ve yetişkinlerin, ebeveyn depresyonuna dair anılarını ve ebeveynleşme yaşantılarını yarı-yapılandırılmış görüşmeler ve tema analizleri ile değerlendiren çalışmalarda (Mechling, 2015(Mechling, , 2016Van Parys, Bonnewyn, Hooghe, De Mol ve Rober, 2015;Van Parys ve Rober, 2013) ise ebeveynleşme sürecinin alkol/madde bağımlılığındakinden farklı seyrettiği dikkati çekmektedir. Bu ailelerde, depresyon bir nevi tabu kabul edildiği için bozukluk hakkında konuşulmadığı, çocukların ailenin iyiliğinden kendilerini sorumlu ve ahlaki açıdan zorunlu hissettikleri ("Babama ona yardım etmek istediğimi ve onu çok sevdiğimi söyledim... Bana her zaman 'sen benim sahip olduğum tek şeysin' derdi, bu bile bana daha fazla sorumluluk hissettiriyordu"), kaygılarını çevrelerindeki insanlarla paylaşmayarak ebeveynlerini korumaya çalıştıkları, paylaşmaları durumunda ise kısa bir rahatlamanın ardından suçluluk ve sadakatsizlik duygularının ortaya çıktığı gözlenmiştir.…”