Transforming bonds: ritualising post-mortem relationships in the Netherlands

Abstract

People continue relationships with their dead in a variety of ways. Since the 1990s, the idea of 'continuing bonds' has provided a framework for exploring and understanding post-mortem relationships. However, the dynamics of the bonds between the living and the dead have received little attention. By looking at the intersection of things, practices and spaces, this paper demonstrates that expressions of continuing bonds do not always point to continuity, and indeed can signify discontinuity. It explores the 'transforming bonds' between the recently bereaved and their deceased in the Netherlands, illustrating how post-mortem relationships change and how such changes affect the social location of the deceased and the bereaved. By attending to the ritual dynamics of separation, transition and integration, two aspects of the social and material relationships between the living and the dead are highlighted. First, attention is given to the ways wherein the bereaved relocate their deceased through material objects within and outside of their homes, enabling them to renegotiate the absence-presence of the deceased. Second, the paper illustrates that personalised incorporation practices are inevitably linked to negotiations and contestations in the social sphere, and the norms and values of the social environment.

The Search for Meaning in Life Through Continuing and/or Transforming the Bond to a Deceased Spouse in Late Life

“…In earlier studies, too, continuing to nurture bonds and meaning-making have been connected (Holm et al, 2019;Neimeyer et al, 2006). Ritualized behaviors become an important aspect in the life of a widow or widower in order to maintain or transform their bond to the deceased (Mathijssen, 2017;Valentine, 2008). Our study takes the next step from these theoretical ideas and discusses the relationship between continuing and transforming the bond and how this affects the search for meaning after losing a spouse.…”

“…There has been a significant paradigm shift within bereavement research; the idea of letting go of emotional attachments has shifted to understanding the importance of maintaining a relationship with the deceased individual (Klaas & Steffen, 2017). Bereavement researchers claim that the question is not solely one of reconstruction but rather of transformation of the bond to the deceased (Bray, 2013;Mathijssen, 2017;Neimeyer et al, 2006). Others, such as Stoebe and Schut (2006), use the term relinquish to indicate aspects of breaking the bond.…”

The human corpse as aesthetic-therapeutic

“…The dead body can be employed to symbolise or signify something, or anything, depending on those involved (Hallam et al, 2005). Think, for instance, about the dressing of the body to reinforce an aspect of the deceased's identity, or moving it to particular places, such as homes or public venues (Mathijssen, 2018). The dead body can be put on display (Falkof, 2018;Penfold-Mounce, 2016), or on the contrary, can be hidden or disguised (Foltyn, 2008).…”

“…In psychological terms, the beautification of the corpse has been associated with regulating emotions of disgust and discomfort (Linke, 2010). Moreover, it has been connected to managing grief and facilitating detachment (Testoni et al, 2020), with redefining relationships between the living and the dead (Mathijssen, 2018), and with overcoming death anxiety (Solomon et al, 2015). Elam and Pielak (2018, p. xii) even speak of an 'aesthetic soothing' in relation to the corpse.…”

Music as Consolation—The Importance of Music at Farewells and Mourning

“…As seen in Mathijssen’s work (2018), relocation towards objects and materials and social spheres and norms of the social environments have been subjected to research in relation to separations and transitions. This is part of much-needed rituals, according to the researcher (Mathijssen, 2018). An element of this exploration of meaning may be rituals around death.…”