‘What I Want and What You Want’: Children's Thinking about Competing Personal Preferences

Abstract

This study examined how children reason about competing personal preferences. Seventy-two participants (mean ages 5 years 5 months, 10 years 4 months, and 17 years 7 months) considered three hypothetical scenarios in which a protagonist's personal preference was in conflict with her or his friend's personal preference. Scenarios varied in the relative weightiness of each character's desires. Whereas 5-and 10-year-olds prioritized the friend's preference across scenarios, 17-year-olds affirmed the character's prerogative to act according to her or his own preference except when the friend's preference was weightier. Nevertheless, regardless of age, participants generally reasoned about these situations in terms of autonomy and friendship rather than as moral obligations. The findings contribute to our understanding of how children of different ages work out the boundaries of the personal.

“Two for Flinching”: Children's and Adolescents' Narrative Accounts of Harming Their Friends and Siblings

“…Extending previous research and theory, this pattern demonstrates how children's particular moral sensitivity to their friends may be manifested in the context of their experiences of harming others. Overall, these results suggest that even in a relationship in which they are highly attuned to the needs of others (e.g., Komolova & Wainryb, ), children recognize through these experiences that they cannot always anticipate how their friends will react to their actions. Therefore, we argue that harming one's friends provides children with important insights about their imperfect grasp of others' perspectives, as well as others' imperfect grasp of their own.…”

“…More germane to the novel questions addressed in this study, we also examined how the magnitude of relationship differences changed with age. Indeed, it is known that the provisions of sibling relationships and friendships each change with development; with age, children becoming increasingly confident that their friendships can withstand and overcome disagreement (Komolova & Wainryb, ), whereas their sibling relationships are simultaneously becoming less contentious (e.g., Buhrmester, ). Furthermore, with age, children become increasingly capable of coordinating multiple perspectives in ways that permit the simultaneous consideration of their own and others' positions in the context of social conflict (Ross et al., ; Selman, ).…”

“…Specifically, relationships with friends become increasingly based on mutual understanding, trust, and intimate disclosure as children get older, and as they enter adolescence, young people begin to recognize that these relationships can withstand and overcome conflict (Buhrmester, ; Selman, ; Youniss, ). Conversely, younger children may perceive friendships as more fragile and may therefore be more likely to subordinate their own needs and desires to those of their friends (Komolova & Wainryb, ). In contrast, sibling relationships are described as becoming less intense and conflictual in adolescence, as teenagers place more emphasis on relationships outside of the family context (Kim, McHale, Osgood, & Crouter, ).…”

“…More directly relevant to this study, we also expected narrative accounts of harm against friends and siblings to change differentially with age. Specifically, due to adolescents' increased confidence in their friendships' ability to withstand conflict (implying age‐related increases in children's consideration of their own needs in addition to their friends' needs; Komolova & Wainryb, ) and the decreasing contentiousness of sibling relationships (implying age‐related increases in children's consideration of their siblings' needs), we anticipated that narrative accounts of harm against siblings and friends would become more similar with age. More broadly, this hypothesis is also in line with theory and research suggesting developmental increases in children's ability to coordinate consideration of their own and others' needs as they reflect on social problems (Ross, Siddiqui, Ram, & Ward, ; Selman, ).…”

Associations Between Victimization and Adolescents' Self‐Reported Responses to Peer Provocation Are Moderated by Peer‐Reported Aggressiveness

“…Consistent with this supposition, adolescents, and adults who work with adolescents, perceive avoidant strategies to be ineffective solutions to challenging social situations (Bettencourt & Farrell, ). Adolescents may view avoidant strategies to be ineffective in part because they are increasingly concerned with autonomy and establishing personal limits (Komolova & Wainryb, ); moreover, they perceive resisting or protesting unfair treatment to be more self‐affirming than complying (Shaw & Wainryb, ).…”