‘Who would take whose name?’ Accounts of naming practices in same‐sex relationships

Abstract

The practice of a woman assuming her husband's last name upon marriage is a deeply embedded norm in some countries. Whether or not individual heterosexual couples reproduce or resist this practice, it provides a context for making decisions about marital names. No conventions, other than heteronormative ones, govern naming practices in same-sex relationships and families, but very little is known about name changing in these contexts. This paper reports an exploratory qualitative study of the ways in which 30 lesbians and gay men in committed relationships made meaning of name changing and keeping. Only one participant reported changing her last name, some considered name changing a future possibility, but most had no plans to change their name. The lack of conventions regarding naming in same-sex families created a dilemma for some participants-who would take whose name? Many participants did not want to entirely give up their name, thus a hyphenated last name was the most popular option for those contemplating a name change. Accounts of name changing centred on doing/being family. This was also a theme in accounts of name keeping, along Maree Burns is the co-ordinator of the Eating Difficulties Education Network in Auckland, New Zealand. Maree has published several articles examining the discourses and discursive practices of the 'eating disorder' bulimia. She has recently completed ESRC-funded research on money management in same-sex relationships with Carole Burgoyne and Victoria Clarke at the University of Exeter. Maree is currently co-editing two books: Critical Feminist Perspectives on Eating Dis/Orders and Critical Bodies: Representations, practices and identities of weight and body management. with maintaining a continuity of personal and professional identity, avoiding hassle, complications and confusion and resisting heteronormativity. The findings are discussed in relation to other research on naming in same-sex families and research on heterosexual marital naming practices.

What Shall We Call Ourselves? Last Names Among Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Couples and Their Adopted Children

“…Consistent with previous findings, we found that heterosexual couples commonly followed patronymic conventions, such that both parents and their children were likely to have the same last names (Gooding & Kreider, 2010). Also consistent with previous results, heterosexual parents generally explained these choices by referring to tradition (Clarke et al, 2008). Lesbian and gay couples, in contrast, took very different approaches to naming themselves and their children.…”

“…Thus, although other options were sometimes considered, the most common choice among same-sex couples was for both members of the couple to retain the last names they had been given at birth. As might be expected, various justifications were offered by those who did or did not change their names (Clarke et al, 2008;Suter & Oswald, 2003). Interestingly, the likelihood of lesbians' having changed last names was not associated with whether or not they had undertaken a commitment ceremony.…”

“…Suter and Oswald (2003) studied 16 lesbian women who were currently involved in same-sex relationships and reported that, while four changed their last names in some way, 12 did not change last names. Similarly, Clarke, Burns, and Burgoyne (2008) studied 13 lesbian women and 17 gay men in committed same-sex relationships, and found that eight had not yet reached a decision on this issue, but most (nine women and 11 men) had decided not to change their last names. Among those who considered name changing, hyphenated last names were the most popular alternative; in this option, a couple whose last names had been Smith and Jones would both take Smith-Jones or Jones-Smith as a last name (Clarke et al, 2008).…”

“…Similarly, Clarke, Burns, and Burgoyne (2008) studied 13 lesbian women and 17 gay men in committed same-sex relationships, and found that eight had not yet reached a decision on this issue, but most (nine women and 11 men) had decided not to change their last names. Among those who considered name changing, hyphenated last names were the most popular alternative; in this option, a couple whose last names had been Smith and Jones would both take Smith-Jones or Jones-Smith as a last name (Clarke et al, 2008). Thus, although other options were sometimes considered, the most common choice among same-sex couples was for both members of the couple to retain the last names they had been given at birth.…”

Financial affairs? Money management in same-sex relationships

“…Furthermore, most partners reported a desire to retain as separate, any assets or savings that they had brought into the relationship in addition to a portion of their income. This co-independence or inter-dependence was upheld as an ideal even for those considering a Civil Partnership (with its potential assistance with dividing relationship property in the event of dissolution) (see Clarke et al, 2006). That so many couples in this study privileged some degree of financial autonomy raises serious questions about some of the assumptions and responsibilities in the legislation such as: "registered partners would be expected to share their financial resources and should therefore be treated as a single family [financial?]…”