Many authors on the subject of marriage and family therapy supervision point to the fact that the quality of relationship between supervisor and supervisee is crucial to the process. However, little has been written about the nature of this relationship. This article identifies key elements in the relationship and introduces a theoretical framework for understanding those elements based on the principles of ethical relationships proposed by Ivan Boszormenyi‐Nagy and Nell Noddings.

Interviews were carried out with fifty-seven adults concerning their interactions with others who were bereaved. When the respondent and the other person were bereaved by the same loss, support relationships were more likely to be difficult. The difficulty arose in part from problems in making shared decisions, in meeting one another's needs and standards, and in coming to shared realities. In some cases the difficulty could be attributed, in part, to the history of the relationship between the people sharing bereavement or to the emotional, cognitive, and physical demands of bereavement. In potential support situations where interviewees were not also mourners, those who held back generally had not experienced a death of somebody close.

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Marilyn had been working for about 3 years in an outpatient mental health clinic that served a variety of individuals, families, and couples, and she had a good relationship with George, her supervisor. However, when George was promoted, Tim, a colleague of Marilyn's, became her supervisor. She was concerned and fearful of potential problems with Tim. At the beginning, things seemed to be working out. Although Tim had some weaknesses as an administrative supervisor, he enjoyed clinical supervision. He was well versed in a psychodynamic approach to treatment, which led him to interpret interactions primarily in light of the dynamics of transference and countertransference. Marilyn's style as a supervisee had always been to share openly her concerns, questions, and vulnerabilities. She approached her work with Tim in the same manner. The combination of both Marilyn's and Tim's intense styles of interaction lead them quickly to the identification and exploration of Marilyn's personal issues. Although Marilyn was an open and eager learner, she was young and had several unresolved issues in her own life. Most significantly, she was easily intimidated by her highly critical parents and was only beginning to notice and object to the disrespectful and critical attitude of her husband. She struggled with a lack of belief in her abilities and tended to emphasize her flaws. Although her work performance was more than adequate for someone with her level of experience, she had great difficulty viewing herself as a competent clinician.