ABSTRACT"The biggest contradiction of my life" Affects, homosexuality, and Conservative Laestadianism Conservative Laestadianism, the biggest revivalist movement within the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland, is known for its strong heteronormativity and strict sexual ethics. This article examines how different affective practices produce homosexual subjectivity within the movement. The authors analyze autobiographical letters written by Conservative Laestadians that identify themselves as homosexuals by asking, for example, how the affects of shame, fear and disgust produce subjectivity both at the level of individual's soul-searching and at the level of family members' emotional ties. A close reading of the material shows that Conservative Laestadianism is not merely limiting sexuality. On the contrary, the limits of the movement, as well as the conditions of being accepted as part of it, are constantly being negotiated within Conservative Laestadianism. ABSTRAKTIArtikkeli käsittelee vanhoillislestadiolaista herätysliikettä, jonka seksuaalietiikkaa määrittelevät vahva konservativismi ja heteronormatiivisuus. Artikkelissa tarkastellaan vanhoillislestadiolaisiksi homoseksuaaleiksi itsensä identifioivien ihmisten omaelämäkerral-lisia kirjeitä kysyen, millaista homoseksuaalista subjektiutta erilaiset uskonyhteisön sisällä elävät affektiiviset rajanvedot ja käytänteet tuottavat. Kysymystä tarkastellaan sekä yksilön että perheen ja suvun lähisuhteiden tasolla: kuinka seksuaalinen subjektius rakentuu yksilön itseensä kohdistamissa pohdinnoissa? Entä kuinka perheen keskinäiset affektiiviset käytänteet mahdollistavat homoseksuaalina elämisen ja toimimisen? Artikkeli haastaa pohtimaan toisin näkemystä uskonnosta vain seksuaalisuutta rajoittavana voimana. Vaikka pintatasolla näyttää siltä, että vanhoillislestadiolainen yhteisö torjuu voimakkaasti homoseksuaalisuuden, aineistona olevien kirjeiden analyysi osoittaa, että yhteisön sisällä käydään jatkuvasti monimuotoisia affekteihin kytkeytyviä neuvotteluja esimerkiksi pyhän rajoista ja niistä ehdoista, joilla homoseksuaalisesti tunteva voi tulla osaksi yhteisöä.
This article analyses autobiographical letters on (perceived) shameful sexuality and religiosity written by Finnish Lutheran women. It examines how the affect of shame constructs gendered, sexualized and religious subjectivity and agency as an effect of normalizing power within an individual’s relationship with God. The psychologization process of late 20th century Western culture works as a framework for the discussion. The article argues that the modern psychoreligious ethos, within which the Christian God is understood as an all-loving being, restructures subjectivity and agency in a manner in which a self is seen as something to be liberated to its authentic state. At the same time, however, the image of an all-loving God normalizes gender, sexuality and religiosity in accordance with heteronormative ideals. Moreover, the article argues that examining the normalizing aspect of different affectual practices reframes the subordination/subversion paradox central to the discussion on women’s religious agency.
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